Kids ( I did ) do stupid things

I was going through some old boxes last night trying to see what I could get rid of when I came across some old elementary school pictures. This got me thinking of some of the stupid things I did as a kid and one story in particular had me laughing quite hard at myself although I didn'tfind it so funny at the time.

I was around eight years old and found a piece of string I would say 6 – 8 inches long. After pulling on it, tying it around a couple things and twirling it into a little ball with my fingers I for whatever reason stuck it in my mouth. Not too long after I swallowed it. Being eight I thought nothing of it.

Until two days later…………

I’m sitting on the toilet taking a dump. No big deal right? I do it every everyday.

Everything came out great except…………..

I wipe and wipe and there’s still something there. I try to take a look to no avail so I skootch over to the mirror and there it is THE STRING dangling maybe 3 inches out of my ass. I’m completely mortified. What do I do?

Here’s what came to my eight year old mind.

1.Holler for my Mom? That one was short lived. How in the hell do I explain this?

2.Wipe some more? No way, my ass is already sore from the first fifteen times I tried.

3. Do nothing and wait until next time? This one actually sounded good for awhile. I
could not however figure out what to do with this string. There was No Way I
was touching it, it had poop on it. So I thought if I swung my ass back and forth
hard enough it would stick to my ass cheek and I wouldn’t even know it’s there.
This actually worked! I skootched over to the mirror again and sure enough it’s
stuck to my right ass cheek. I even pulled up my Batman underoo’s but it felt
wet,dirty & terrible. So onto plan number 4.

4. Pull it out? I’m pretty sure I turned white as a ghost when I came to the conclusion
this was the only way. I again head over to the mirror to check out the situation
knowing exactly what I had to do. I reached for some toilet paper, no way I was
touching the poop string with my bare hands. I tried to grab the string, cringed and missed. Thing’s in the mirror are backwards, I was not thinking of this in my
most desperate moment of my eight short year’s of life. One more time I
thought and I’m going to have to go back to dreaded option #1. So again I cringe
this time I get the string but wait. Do I pull it out slowly or give it a good yank? I
decide slowly is better and off I go. In what seemed like hours the string was out.

The Moral of this story? Don’t stick things in your mouth you don’t want to shit out later.